…”How to Become a Professional Hippie-Holding-a-Sign”

Austin has more than its share of hippies holding signs, blocking traffic, tying up police resources, and shouting down or threatening Republicans that they disagree with.

The last thing we need is for a bunch of out-of-town patchouli-smelling students to spend their spring break in Austin (instead of on the beaches of South Padre or Daytona) as part of the TexasMoratorium.org Anti-Death Penalty Alternative Spring Break, being held here in Austin March 12-17.

Remember a couple of posts back where we discussed the Babe Theory of Political Movements? Well, this week the babes will all be at the beach.

Meanwhile, the grim-faced, angry, and foul (did I already mention that hippies smell?) future Professors will spend their entire spring break here in Austin, learning to be Professional Protestors (a very popular vocation of the otherwise seemingly-unemployed Austin Moonbat Society).

Kids, you have the rest of your lives to waste standing around holding signs and disrupting the 1st Amendment Rights of those you disagree with. For just this one week, go act like normal college kids. Have some fun. Quit being so angry about everything.

What’s an Anti-Death Penalty Alternative Spring Break, you ask? According to their Web site:

Alternative Spring Breaks are designed to give students something more meaningful to do during their week off rather than just spending time at the beach.

Again, you have the rest of your lives to do “meaningful” shit. You can’t go back and do Spring Break once you’re older. Ok. You can go back and do Spring Break when you’re older, but it’s creepy.

The specific purpose of this Alternative Spring Break is to bring students to Austin for five days of anti-death penalty activism and education. We will provide participants with workshops that will teach them skills they can use to go back home and set up new anti-death penalty student organizations or improve ones that may already exist.

Skills? Do you really have to teach these kids how to make crude signs, how to stand on the lawn and chant, and how to lay down in the middle of the road to block traffic? Are those really skills?

I can see the Sign-Making Workshop now: “Ok students, take the black or red magic markers…don’t be afraid to mix ‘em up and use both…and in big mean-looking letters write: Bush = Hitler. Wonderful students. No…you don’t have to worry about spelling or grammar. Now then, you can use this same sign at any protest you go to…it doesn’t even matter what you’re protesting, since we all know that ChimpyBushMcHitler is responsible for all the world’s evil.”

So, what fun activities will these “Free Mumia” t-shirt-clad kids be participating in this week?

According to their schedule:

4:00 - 5:00 PM: “The Death Penalty in Texas”, talk by Walter Long, a nationally known expert on the issue of banning executions of juvenile offenders. Walter is an attorney who represented Napoleon Beazley and Karla Faye Tucker, among others.

I guess Mr. Long is an expert on the Death Penalty in Texas. It just doesn’t seem like he’s much of a lawyer in terms of getting his clients off of death row. Nor does he seem to be too selective in who he represents. Like Beazley and Tucker.

Beazley and Tucker—thankfully—have already been executed for their crimes, despite Mr. Long’s “expertise” on the death penalty.

You may not remember Napoleon Beazley. Beazley shot 63 year old John E. Luttig twice in the head from close range with a .45 while stealing his Mercedes Benz. Beazley shot at and attempted to kill Luttig’s wife, too.

Mr. Long raised objections regarding the fairness of Beazley’s trial, such as the fact that his jury was all-white, while he was black, and concerns that the victim’s son, who is a federal judge, might have meddled in the case. But Mr. Long never raised objections as to his client’s guilt. Why? Because it was undisputable.

You’re probably more familiar with Karla Faye Tucker, who hacked two people to death with a pick ax in 1983.

I guess the most important thing that students should take away from this talk is: if you’re ever on Death Row, you’re probably better off if Mr. Long isn’t your attorney.

Then at 6:00 PM: “Live from Death Row” a live phone call from Stanley “Tookie” Williams, a murderer on California’s Death Row in San Quentin Prison. Williams was nominated in 2001 for a Nobel Peace Prize for his series of children’s books and efforts to curtail youth gang violence.

Sounds like a nice guy. What’s he doing on death row? Oh that’s right, he was convicted of killing four people and is responsible for starting one of the most violent street gangs in history: the Crips.

What an honor for these young activists…to get to hold audience with a brutal murderer.

It would make my stomach turn.

Hmmm. The event is free to attend, though. And they are serving free pizza and soda.

Maybe I’ll go down there and sit in on the speakerphone conference with “Tookie”. When they get to the audience Q&A session, I’ll peel off my “Commies Are Cool” t-shirt disguise and tell Tookie that I think he’s still a worthless piece of shit that deserves to die for his crimes…and that the world will be a better place once his death penalty has been carried out.

Sigh.

I hope it rains on them during their latte-fueled protest* day at the capitol.

* The term latte-fueled protest was borrowed from this post at Technicolor Western.

Posted by Robbie Cooper on Thursday, March 17th, 2005 | Trackback |