And then put her in prison when she goes AWOL
Watching the local evening news last night, and the top story (hey, we have an absurdly low violent crime rate here in Austin, so sometimes our local news teams have to scramble for stories) is about some way-overweight and bloated lesbian who wanted to join the Army.
Except Rebecca Solomon didn’t really want to be in the Army.
She just wanted to protest the Army’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, which was implemented by President Clinton.
Anyway, so this fat lesbian shows up at a local US Army Recruiting Station with a camera crew in tow. You know, just like all the other guys and girls who really do want to join the Army. So, this fat lesbian proceeds to waste nearly an hour of an Army Recruiter’s valuable time, and when he asks her if she has any more questions, she drops this bomb on him, “Yes. I’m also a lesbian. Is that going to pose any problems?”
Well, of course it did. The Army has a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, which allows homosexuals to serve in the military if they really want to. The recruiter upheld his end of the policy, as he never asked (not that he had to…that women was more butch than Dennis Rodman in a wedding dress). But she was more than eager to tell.
The whole time that the local news affiliate is reporting the story, all I could think was that — even if this fat lesbian was serious about really wanting to join the military — there is no way in hell that she’d be qualified. They don’t make uniforms in her size. The last time she ran anywhere was when they announced last call at the all-you-can-eat buffet. She wouldn’t make it through 1 day of basic training.
“I’m really dedicated to enlisting and being a part of the Army and putting my life on the line for my country. I don’t know how that could be called a political stunt,” Solomon said.
That’s a fucking lie, Ms. Solomon. Even if you weren’t gay, and even if you really did want to “put your life on the line”, you couldn’t get in because you are a tub of goo.
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Here’s what I would love to see the Army do the next time one of these fat lesbians walks in the door with a camera crew in tow to pretend to try to enlist:
Sign her up. Enlist her fat ass into the US Army.
Right there on the spot have her sign the dotted line, and then immediately administer the oath of service.
Which would blow her plans all to hell, because she didn’t really want to be in the Army. And there’s no way in hell that she would honor her enlistment once she did get what she asked for (but didn’t really want). So, when she goes AWOL by not reporting for Basic Training, I’d have her fat ass arrested and sent to prison (of course we’d have to extradite her from Canada to do that).
This would put a halt to this time-wasting publicity stunt.
And more than a publicity stunt, it’s also another way for the anti-military left to hinder military recruiters from doing their job.
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UPDATE: Sept 19, 2006:
Rebecca Solomon and Jesus Sanchez were arrested Tuesday, Sept. 19, and charged with criminal trespassing, a Class C misdemeanor, after, according to an e-mail from Solomon, dashing into the military recruitment center at Dobie Mall when someone left the building and didn’t lock the door.
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Thanks for that, I needeed a good laugh.
You guys aren’t the only ones. Here are some more examples.
I would have liked to just have her step on the scale and reject her before she even got a chance to bring up the lesbian part. So much for her stunt then.
I think she’s confused… Someone needs to tell that jiggly mass of space that Morgan Spurlock and his foo-man-chu came out with ‘Supersize Me’ two years ago.
The fact that ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ is selectively implemented: more so in peacetime, less so in war, reveals what an idiotic regulation it is.
On another security note:
[A]s Iraq descends into civil war and becomes a new training ground for international terrorists, cargo coming into our country still isn’t being inspected. While the Party of Bush scrambles to write its latest talking points calling anyone who opposes them “al Qaeda types”, nuclear materials sit unguarded in the former Soviet Union.
While the administration organizes lawyers to try to salvage its illegal domestic spying program, Osama bin Laden continues to remain free roaming around northwest Pakistan making videotapes five years after the tragic events of September 11th. [...]
People have had enough. This administration cannot be trusted with our security. Democrats are going to reclaim American leadership with a tough, smart plan to transform failed policies in Iraq, the Middle East and around the world.
We will double the size of Special Forces to destroy Osama Bin Laden and terrorist networks like al Qaeda. We will implement the bipartisan 9/11 Commission proposal to secure America’s borders and ports and screen every container. And we will fully man, train, and equip our National Guard and our police, firefighters and other first responders.
When it comes to national security, the Republicans have not led. We will.
—Gov. Howard Dean, M.D.
P.S. We are spending $8 billion a month in Iraq. That’s $2 billion each week, $267 million each day, or $11 million each hour. For what we spend in three weeks, we could make needed improvements in order to properly secure our public transportation systems. For what we spend in five days, we could put radiation detectors in all of our ports. And for two days in Iraq, we could screen all air cargo.
The “dont ask, dont tell” policy is also costing us the war on terror. Recently, several translators from the Army were let go after they were caught in a Gay Bar. These 5 soldiers spoke fluently Arabic and with all the other translators that are getting killed, we need all the help we can get. Way to go America.