This letter is brilliant.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters,
We’ve stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know that we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and just will not ever agree on what’s right. So let’s just end it right now while we can do it on friendly terms. We can smile, shake hands, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.
So here’s a model separation agreement.
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a portion. That’s going to be the difficult part, but I’m sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate taste. We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can have those. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. And since you hate guns and you hate war, we’ll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell. But you are going to be responsible for finding a biodiesel vehicle big enough to haul them around.
We’ll keep the capitalism, the greedy corporations, the pharmaceutical companies; we will keep Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have the homeless, the homeboys, the hippies and illegal aliens. We will keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, the greedy CEOS and all of the rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and we’ll let you have NBC and Hollywood.
You can be nice to Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer anybody that threatens us. You can have the peaceniks and the war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we will provide them with security. You won’t have to worry about it. We will keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley Maclaine. You can also have the UN, but we will no longer pay the bill.
We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and the oversize luxury cars. You can have the compacts, the subcompacts and every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everybody healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We will continue to believe that healthcare is a privilege and not a right. We will keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and the national anthem, and I am sure you will be happy to substitute in their place “Imagine.” I’d like to teach the world to sing “Kumbaya” or “We are the world.” We will practice trickle-down economics and you can give trickle-up poverty your best shot. And since it so offends you, we will keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots. And if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the friendly spirit of parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in about 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J Wall
Law student and an American
P.S. You can also have Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda
I think Liberals should just accept this divorce agreement now.
Because if our eventual breakup comes by way of civil war, you whiny, pacifistic, anti-military, effeminate latte sippers are going to get your asses handed to you by the gun-toting, military-trained, life-long hunting, construction working rednecks.
And that’s just our women folk.
And then we’re simply going to take everything anyway and ship those of you who we didn’t bury beneath the Golden Gate Bridge off to Iraq and Syria.
______
h/t to Cassy Fiano via Neal Boortz
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You inbreds in the south have already lost one cival war so i would not go talking up another one.
Learn to spell, you idiot
Do you know how to shoot? You know how to shoot your mouth off. I am confidence that if you were to show up all you would be is a pompass Yankee Idiot.
i think you mean ” I am confident” not “I am confidence” damn inbreds
Think again lib, cuz this time, it won’t just be the south.
I live in the southern United States I love this country, and I would never want to see this country split. Sure, there are alot of Liberals with ideas I dont agree with, But it’s part of our democracy that everyone has a say It’s in our constitution.
Ah, the white sheets finally come off and reveal the smelly underbelly.
All hail the cyst!
Maybe Pat’s cyst is that fake lesbian daughter. Better yet, maybe it’s terminal cancer.
Us “inbreeds” from the South can at least spell “civil” correctly; and are educated enough to know how to use correct grammar and punctuation.
But BBB digress, in the in the 144 years since the end of our unfortunate civil war things have changed. We are now upside-down with the north a shell of its former self while the south is the most robust economically. And while I do not want to degenerate into a North/South who would win BS argument, before you start call people inbred you should look to such shining examples of Northern economic dominance like Detroit’s 8 mile area (Michigan period) that stands like something out of Fall Out 3.
The liberals can also keep all the Somali and moslem “refugees” they keep insisting on bringing into the country!
I laughed and laughed when I read this! Very polite letter, though funny, and very thought provoking. Can’t the liberals just move to country more to their liking? Obviously they don’t like our republic. At the moment, I’m not real happy with the USA but it’s only due to her erosion by those blatantly violating her republic’s rule of law.
I’m with you!!!!
Hey, the South almost won. The South will rise again. Yes, I’m Hispanic and there were many Hispanic southerners.
Absolutely brilliant – I am all for it, the sooner the better. Let the liberals have their own states full of their economic and political policies so that the ineptitude of such policies will come to light much sooner. Then those of us with a brain, a desire to reward hard work and a knowledge of history will not have to watch them further destroy what was once a great republic.
I have to disagree. I think it to be horrible idea. Originally, these United States were part of a Federation, a.k.a., the Federal Government. Lincoln screwed that up trying to save the Union. Break it in order to save it. Maybe if he’d lived he would have put it back the way he found it.
Other than that I see that we get involved with mob politics. Dems watch MSNBC, Reps watch Fox. No room for us to think for ourselves.
Who would benefit most from us being at one another? or separated completely?
No way to get involved enough in order to effect real change either. Think you could get corporate monies if you didn’t cater to one of the two parties? Two parties that have a vested interest that things never change.
Smaller governance at the “federation” level is probably the correct answer. Less power means that they would be less of a target for the lobbyists. More power to the states means that we would have a greater degree of access to those who would now be in charge of governing us at the state level.
Oh well, whatever.
[...] Urbangrounds [...]
Better yet, take all of the cowards and wimps who are opposing this letter and insulting the author, and let’s ship them all to a distant planet–without oxygen–never to come back.
I love it, ever immigrant should leave. Give me my job back!
I accept your premise however your mouth breathing women come for me they will meet the same end as you if you choose to come for me. You psychobabbling bottom feeding self loathing Morons.
Did you use translation.com? You make no sense at all.
“Because if our eventual breakup comes by way of civil war, you whiny, pacifistic, anti-military, effeminate latte sippers are going to get your asses handed to you by the gun-toting, military-trained, life-long hunting, construction working rednecks.”
Civil War Scoreboard:
North: 1
South: 0
Do you people not realize there is no North v South anymore?! SERIOUSLY?! Come on. Using the Civil War as an example regarding what would happen should this country continue, and yes I did say continue, to split is akin to telling a child, “Don’t walk across the porch because when I was a kid I walked across the porch and fell off and broke my leg.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with a Civil War taking place but it is about freaking time that the people of this country stood up and realized that hey, yeah, there is a problem and maybe we should address it. People who keep saying oh you south, you lost. You are the ones who need a reality check. The south did lose the Civil War. But look at how much the North lost in order to be able to make that claim. Respect from others, lives, business, and lets not forget to mention that little thing called SELF RESPECT. Personally, I would rather the chance to enjoy the sunset from a plantation house porch sipping sweet tea then stuck in an alley wondering if I was going to have to fight an alley cat for my next meal. Looking at that scene, you tell me who really lost…
http://pastebin.com/SVAqynPP
Owned.
Only to a libturd.
Similar to this other stupid letter above.
What kind of children write these things?
I cite here number 11 in that absurd write-up:
“Here comes the part where we may need to disagree slightly. While you’re more than welcome to take nearly all the guns, most of the military and the NRA, we’d like to keep our police (you can take their guns though). Countries like the U.K. have police without guns and manage about 1/4 our murder rate. We may ask them how they do it but we suspect that once you guys take all these guns off our hands, our murder rate will sort itself right out. We may keep just a few lying around for swat teams and some minimal coast guard activities but we won’t need many.”
A wake up slap Joshua:
- Comparing our crime issues with those of UK and not mentioning that arming of police in Great Britain is a perennial topic of debate, had me laughing so hard I almost ruptured my spleen.
I have a better idea – let the American liberals have unarmed police and we will keep it as is. Maybe they can even enlist AIUSA to assist in responding to crime scenes wit their human rights spiel
Dream on Joshua
Notice how libturds always carefully avoid the incidence of violent crime in the UK and only mention the murder rate. The UK is the most violent country in the EU and ranks up there worldwide, with 2034 violent crimes per 100,000, while the U.S. has 466 violent crimes per 100,000. They have already banned citizens from owning handguns, now they are considering banning long kitchen knives.
Libturds are entertaining, as long as they don’t have control.
Thanks for supporting m,y response N2L
Every single source I read on the crime rate in Britain screams that yes, Britain has become the most violent nation in Europe, trending as such since at least 2007. The dailymail and guardian UK papers are replete with stats affirming this conclusion. This site is also worth checking out: http://www.statistics.gov.uk/hub/crime-justice/index.html
So as I said, the parliament there is divided on this unarmed police idea since, as evident by the rising crime rate – this has been a big flop. English are stupid!
I don’t trust the UK produced numbers as they have odd requirements for reporting crimes, as a result many violent crimes go unreported.
The information I gave was from a 2009 study that I found here, from this larger website.
I met a cop from the UK here in Dallas last year, he was here visiting family that had moved here.
Nice young man. I told him I had been in LE and why I left and went back to college. He understood, as he was having misgivings about what he was doing and how much worse things were getting there.
I would not be surprised if these Brit cretins start blaming their crime problems and gun violence on the “American influence.” You know – because libtards have to always find a scapegoat.
If you pay taxes you are not an american.
Uh…what? Not only do I disagree, but I think you have it exactly reversed.