The above title is taken from a comment in a post at The Spearhead, Joran Van der Sloot: New Pin-Up Boy for Starry-Eyed Female Fans of Killers?
The tendency for women to fall deeply in love with sadistic murderers has confused many men for quite some time, because women and their representative groups have always held – in public at least – that they want men to behave humbly and peacefully.
We have witnessed on this blog numerous instances of deranged women who profess their love and affection for murderers. While perplexing in its appearance, surely there must be numerous complex issues involved to explain this disconcerting behavior.
In an article from 2004 titled “Women who love murderers too much,” it is all about control by these women over their adored inmates.
According to Sheila Isenberg in her book Women Who Love Men Who Kill, control over the relationship is another factor for groupies of murderers. When their man is locked up behind bars, they get to decide when to visit and accept phone calls, and they get to be their dream man’s link to the outside world. Along with that is the aspect of being completely delusional. They think they’re in love, but it’s more of a thing out of supermarket romance novels, hearkening back to medieval days. There is usually no sex and no real intimacy, just romance, passion and intensity and a hell of a lot of attention. Put all that in the mix with, perhaps, a dysfunctional background via family or marriage (“Ted Bundy wouldn’t treat me that way!”), and you’ve got yourself a recipe for jailhouse romance of the most murderous kind.
The scientific term for women like these is Hybristophilia=Sexual attraction to people who have committed crimes. The treatment for this condition, should the afflicted person chose to pursue it is psychotherapy; no surprise there.
Psychotherapy:
* Cognitive behavioural therapy
* Orgasmic reconditioning
* Individual expressive-supportive psychotherapy
In any event, the women caught up in this fetish for “bad boys” has been with us for quite some time and the murderers will continue to manipulate these deranged women for all they are worth.
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Excellent post No2!..this is a subject that baffles me so often…
I ran across a thuglovers post the other day…which you would think would open other women’s eyes but the responses to this were merely, Oh I’m sorry for you! Or…MY man is not like that, I’m so lucky! Very strange..this story below says it all though…and for those that are unaware..MWI means..met while incarcerated…(what a sad bunch of messed up people that do that…)
Warning to all MWI’s – the nightmare you don’t want to hear about
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I met my current husband while he was incarcerated. He was introduced to me by a mutual friend that was also incarcerated. Long story short, I was victimized by a con artist. For 1 1/2 years I got the most beautiful letters & conversation, artwork & visits – THEN HE GOT OUT. He failed to tell me he was a crack addict, took me for everything I had: about $15,000 + he pawned all my jewelry + when I went out of town he gave away all of my furniture except for my bed & baby crib for a scrap of crack. Yes I said crib, my 22 mo. old daughter now knows him as daddy since we got married right after he got out. I’m broke, sleeping on my mother’s couch at 41 years old & 7 months pregnant by this monster – he’s a gang member & is threatening to kill me while I’m pregnant calling me a “mark” (gang talk for dead) & now has told me I was only a “punk ass bitch” to him – which is prison talk for the dumb ass they bully out of money.
He became physically abusive barely 2 months after he got out of prison & has been convicted of domestic battery against me, he continued his abuse even after he knew I was pregnant. After he got out he told me things like: “I said what I had to say to get what I had to get”, “you’re in love with the fantasy I created in your head” , “I just wanted to see how much I could get out of you & then kick you to the curb” , etc.
I could go on & on about what a nightmare my life has become because of this con artist I’m stuck married to now because he’s living on the streets & no one can find him, but my main purpose for writing is TO WARN OTHER WOMEN / SIGNIFICANT OTHERS. YOU DON’T REALLY KNOW HIM, CHANCES ARE HE’S BEING NICE TO YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY FEMALE THAT’LL TALK TO HIM BESIDES THE FEMALE OFFICERS HE SEES, IF YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL GIVE HIM MORAL SUPPORT WHILE HE’S INCARCERATED IT’S FOR A REASON……..
I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to hear it either & now here I am pregnant, broke, homeless at 41, & sorry I didn’t listen to other people. My daughter’s had to see things she never should have seen. Do you know prisoners PAY PEOPLE to find them a sucker / pen pal? They may only have stamps & their dinner to bargain, but they’ll become indebted to a fellow inmate because they look at a pen pal as someone they can manipulate & a cash cow – even a few dollars could buy them 30 soups at $.10 a pop. I would seriously reconsider your relationships & let them get out of prison & THEN get to know them – they may be using you for a place to stay when they get out, or to do things that seem harmless to you, but buy them something in prison – like a phone call to another prisoner’s loved one, get you to find a pen pal for another inmate which they’d get paid for, etc.
I’m finding out that there’s basically nothing I can do through the police department so I’m writing to the attorney general of the state because now I have to face that I’m about to have a child with this ass hole & if we divorce – if I can find him – he can ask for alimony from me because I make more money than him……it’s a nightmare & IF ANYONE HAS ANY SERIOUS ADVICE FOR ME I’D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HEAR IT. FEELING SERIOUSLY USED, ABUSED & LIKE A PUNK ASS BITCH
What a nightmare.
It makes me wonder just how many other women have received this type of treatment.
I remember reading of one woman who married her thug pen pal. She was murdered for her trouble.
When I found this post,there were many posts that talked about their thugs not writing enough or not acting happy to see them on a visit (really pathetic)..the pics were hilarious…they said it all in my opinion…the women looked like they had really low self esteem and their thugs had the look of yes…she sends me money..yea boyyy!
How can they not know that they are being used? What put these men behind bars in the first place..if they have no regard for the law or working for a living, do you really think they are going to make good husbands?
This lady above even subjected her baby to this monster..he could have hurt the child or sexually abused it..
So I have no sympathy for her.
But I am glad she learned her lesson so maybe her child won’t have to be subjected to another loser…hopefully she will do the right thing and devote herself to her child now while getting back on her feet.
The question about the woman you quoted above is. Was it cheaper for her to be cured of her fetish by the thug, or would psychotherapy be cheaper?
/sarc
Ah, I’ll venture an educated guess and say that psychotherapy would be much cheaper (not to mention much safer!).
This woman is now going to have a child who was fathered by this monster and, no matter how far she runs, she will always worry about her connection to him and whether he will catch up with her little family one day unannounced.
Additionally, criminals tend to be a product of both nature and nurture. So, the chance of her unborn child inheriting genes that predispose him/her to antisocial behavior is not a risk to be lightly dismissed.
Not to mention that choosing to endanger the child she had before she ever hooked up with this creep was absolutely inexcusable. But I hope she keeps her head about her and does not repeat her mistakes and that she is able to make — and maintain — a clean break from this nightmare . . . at the very least, I hope she is able to do this for the sake of her children.
Very well stated Tracy…
It is very sad that women can have the tendency to put their children on the back burner with no sense of the protection they deserve and even the respect they deserve as a future adult.
LOL! Good question!
Ah..if only they sat back and thought…hmmm…I’m cruising a write a prisoner website..what is wrong with this picture?? Do I have low self esteem?? Hmmm…
Maybe I’ll go to therapy to analyze this before I write a known criminal!
If it was only that easy! lol..
Recognizing there is a problem is the first step.
They don’t know they have a fetish and the support they get from other fetishist only strengthens their problem.
It sure does!
They even have a section entitled..loving a violent offender!
The posts on there are shocking…
They bash the “system” for “labeling” their “men” as SOs (sexual offenders)…
They state they can’t live their life or get past what they did with that label…
Talk about pathetic!
Well, I can totally see someone having the hots for John Wayne Gacy. You know, him being a young-boy molesting, raping, strangling, body in the crawl space burying CLOWN and all! Sick!!!!!!
Baffles the mind doesn’t it?!
Like the Night Stalker..the hideous blond that married him…
She is the queen of all lowlife thug lovers..
Here is one that “loves” a sexually violent offender…
blows my mind…to read this..it astonishes me that she has a brain at all..the last paragraph makes me wanna B*tch slap her…unfreakingbelievable!!! And she’s willing to wait 19 years for the monster!
hi all. i’m visiting from my regular hangout on LASO. my love was tagged a “sexually violent predator” by the judge, when she gave him his outrageously long sentence. not that there was any violence involved: they just like to add “violent” onto any sex crime, to make it sound scarier.
i don’t know what kind of junk they will hang on him when he gets out, on top of the SO registry straitjacket. but we have 19 years before we deal with that. who knows what the laws will be by then?
i’m curious about what thoughts you may have. i spend so much time thinking about the stupid SO registry. i also have to consider the “violent” label that he will wear. i have so much yet to learn.
Mine is classified as a Sexually Violent Offender, and if it didn’t make me so f’in sad, I would laugh because that man is the most non-violent person I’ve ever met in my freaking life.
My thoughts on the subject are mixed. I don’t think any person should be labelled as a sex offender, or a sexually violent offender, or a violent offender period, for committing ONE CRIME (or being convicted of one) and living their lives afterwards in a moral, upstanding manner.
It KILLS me that this man who I love so much, will be stuck, publicly, with this label quite possibly for his entire life. I believe him when he tells me what really happened back then, but even if it HAD happened back then, he is the person I know NOW and he is NOT what that damn website says.
Why should he be stuck with this stigma forever? He shouldn’t. SO many people shouldn’t, whether they committed the crime they were convicted of or not.
There ARE people out there who I do believe deserve it. But these laws are ridiculous and it scares me more than I ever thought it would.
John Mayer says it best: “Fathers, be good to your daughters, too.”
Goofy thug lover post for the day..lol…
So my “bf” got home on Monday…he wasn’t suppose to be staying with me but we planned to stay in contact until we could figure out a date to meet. On Monday we talked like 3 times and then on Tuesday he called me and said he would call back…he never did
I was thinking that maybe he juust got caught up with trying to find a job and an apartment but ladies…IT’S SATURDAY!!!!
How can he just stop calling me like that..maybe he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and who knows what kinda females he’s been crossing paths with..he just got out so that means he’s vunerable..is there a chance that he could be cheating on me??
If thats the case why couldn’t he just tell me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore..after everything i’ve done for him the whole time while he was in jail the least he could do is call me and let me know he’s ok dont you think????
I don’t know what to think..I could really use a hug right now tho
All I know is he better not come crying to me when he needs some money!!
Wow…kind of makes one speechless yes? They live among us!!!
Amarius, where are you getting these posts from?? It is really disturbing how dumb these females are! She should thank whatever GOD she believes in that he has found someone else and doesn’t come looking for her.
I agree! It’s startling isn’t it?!
http://www.prisontalk.com
The sadest website out there..sad lonely women who love convicts..
They must have such low self esteem to believe that they can’t do better then these rapists, murderers.